After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
