So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
