need another drink. this is the easiest way
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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