I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize