I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
