How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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