I didn't shave. On purpose
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
