but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
