He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
