Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
