Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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