He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
