yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Farmville is her only friend.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
