I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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