Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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