Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
