a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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