Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize