so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He passed out mid-signature
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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