is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
