the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
