I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
