Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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