If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
