Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
