I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
