An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
