I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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