OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
