Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
