If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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