Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
