I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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