oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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