Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
