I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
