shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
