she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
