I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
