I just cut my nipple shaving
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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