after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
