We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
