I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
