Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
