Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
