porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
