i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am one with the molecules
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
