Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
