btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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