I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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