He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize