so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
