final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They are going to name an STD after you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
