College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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