my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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