The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
