The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
