grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
