I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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