someone owes me an orgasm
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
