i barfeds in our rink
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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