ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
