What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
