the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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