# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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