I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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