thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
