Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
