I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I AM VODKA MAN
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize