If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
