the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
